dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We have started to decorate penises.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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