Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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