Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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