so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
