Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
