I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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