We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
