I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
only if we run a train.
done.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
