I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
