i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
