Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
