just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
where are you?
Hypothermia
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
