If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
vagina is talking i cant
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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