I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
