worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
