Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
