2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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