I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
