Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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