"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize