She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
