I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
