see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did i walk over a car last night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
