I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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