need another drink. this is the easiest way
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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