I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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