I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
