I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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