The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
