i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
