I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
