A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
