I'm lost and stupid without you.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
