Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
