Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
