Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
