hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
