In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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