sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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