drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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