last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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