This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
