i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
