It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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