would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
50% drunk capacity currently
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
