It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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