so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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