I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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