We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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