You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
