i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
