he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
