the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
