he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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