Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
